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Monday, September 20, 2010

KBC With Santa Singh


The Story So Far...
Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has
used all his lifelines except for "50-50" and "Phone a Friend".
Santa Singh is playing the 13th Question now which is for 25 Lacs.
Let's see what happens next... 



Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha
aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par...
Santa Singh gets Tense...

Amitabh Bachchan: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan? Your
options are...



Amitabh Bachchan: To Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He's
quite sure that Santa will opt for option A]
But Santa is surprisingly still confused...
Amitabh Bachchan: Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai..
50-50 and phone a friend. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte
hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai.
Santa Singh: I think it is A, but I'm not sure.
Amitabh Bachchan: Not sure, Hmmm... Aap kya karna chahenge?
Santa Singh: I would like to use 50-50...
Amitabh Bachchan: Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita
deejiye...

Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options:



Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the
Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets
all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline...
Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A
Friend...
Amitabh Bachchan: Aap kisse baat karna chahenge!?
Santa Singh: Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna
chahoonga...

Amitabh Bachchan Faints !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya
Bachchan [Thanks to AirTel J]...

Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"
Jaya Bachchan: What are the options !?!?

Hearing this Santa Singh faints too...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mera Bharat Mahan

In a ship, the Generals of three nations were traveling with their
soldiers.

They started the topic of whose soldiers had more guts.

The  American  General  called for one of his men and told him to jump down
the ship and take a round, swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did
as he was commanded and the General boasted, 'See the guts!'.

Now the Russian General called out for one of his men and asked him to take
two  similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told. When he came back from
the water the Russian said 'see the guts!!’

Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and asked him
to  take  five  similar  rounds.   The  soldier promptly replied, ''Baap ka
naukar  samajh rakhha hai kya??'' At this the general proudly said 'see the
guts.....’

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Sms for Today

SMS For today:
Night has ended for another day,
Morning has come in a special way,
May ur SMILE like SUNNY rays,

Be clear while issuing instructions

This is what happened when a particular Company sent the following memo:
OFFICE MEMO:
 May all members be noted, that you are allowed to have only one drink per
 Head  at this year's Christmas Party.
 And please bring your own cup !

 Regards,
 Management


 Scroll down to see what happened...........

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If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.



A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his  girl friend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I'm sorry.. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures
of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Ricky

Moral of the story:

If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Salary Expectation

Santa was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what
to be filled in column "Salary Expected".


After much thought he wrote : Yes!

Husband store.

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband.  Among the instructions at the entrance
is a description of how the store operates. You may visit  the store ONLY
ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the  shopper
ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you  may choose any
man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you
cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love  kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely
good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
gorgeous, help with the  housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth  floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this
floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit
the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can
handle the truth!

Best of them.

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they  were heading
out to the course, one of them was detained by a  phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to  the first
tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself  in the home
building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now  owns his own design
and construction firm. He's so successful,  in fact in the last year he was
able to give a good friend a  brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his  career as
a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.  "He's so successful,
in fact, in the last six months he gave a  friend two brand new cars as a
gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a  stock
brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the  last few weeks
has given a good friend a large stock portfolio  as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell  him that
they have been discussing how successful their progeny  are, and ask what
line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned  out," he
replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just
recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the  bright
side, he must be good at what he does, because his last  three boyfriends
have given him a brand new house, two new cars,  and a big stock
portfolio."

How to make your neighbor angry!!!!







Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.   

Designation:  Junior girl friend ( trainee )

Other requirement: Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required. 
 
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective 
 
Perks and incentives. 
 
Total gross ( Monthly ) : 
2      gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones) 
 
10       bike rides each duration 1 hour 
 
5          trips to National Highways 
 
5      Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple 
 
10       Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days 
            Daily Provision of  Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-

2           movies per month (on weekends) 
            Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend(On your own expense) 
 
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to 
the size available with the shopkeeper. 

Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : un-professional taxes will be informed on joining 
 
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with promotion to fulltime Girlfriend) 
 
Pls note: 
1. Only females 
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply. 
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above     
Mentioned conditions.     
 
There is more: 
 
(Pls Note - For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program 
By referring their friend, colleagues etc. 
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if 
Candidate is not selected.  )

Proof of Global warming - For Non-Believers




Proof of Global Warming...






Thursday, September 09, 2010

Gujju joke

 
Long long time ago, before he got married,  was travelling from Ahemadabad to Bombay by train. Rupaben was also travelling in the same compartment except that they both didn't know each other in the beginning.
Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.



Both were Single.


Both were Gujaratis.

Both were going to Bombay.

Both were Schoolteachers.

Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College.


They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, travelled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had  lunch in the staff room together, returned home together.



They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed.



The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime,  much to the frustration of Kanjibhai; who ended up spending many sleepless  nights with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the  pillow. Kanjibhai's frustration had built up to such an extent that he  could take it no more, and ended up deciding to drink.


 

So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own. She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rikshaw.  The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.


Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his roommate to let him in. After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, " Where the hell did you disappear today? We decided to do everything togather! Now you sleep outside ". Kanjibhai, "I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't open the door right now!"



Rupaben says,
"
Huve...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya... TU to pillow in upar thi jump na karisakio...to deewal upar thi su jump karvano !!!
 

Banta to Bill Gates

Dear Mr Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab . We have bought a
computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.


1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column,
only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed
appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We
checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no
problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I
request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what
the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you
to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has
ran upto Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to
"sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only
're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find ', but
unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT,So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my
home to collect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when u will provide that?

10. Hey ye kya hi, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad lekhin there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', remaining ka kya huwa?

11. Are ye to kamal hi aap bole raha hi ki 'MY Pictures' lekhin there is
not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.

12. There is 'Startup' when u will provide 'Enddown'.

13. is that 'NOTEPEN' available in system? As I find only 'NOTEPAD' , tell
me fast as I lost me PEN.

14. there is 'Winzip' what about 'Lossopen'.

15. There is 'WIN AMP' what about 'Win VOLT ', 'WinRESISTANCE '.

16. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOM

Thanking you

Big Boss Man

Big Boss Man

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be boss. The brain
said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and
functions"

The feet said " We should be the boss as we carry the brain about and get
him to where he wants to go"

The hands said " We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn
all the money"

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the boss. So the
asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands began to panic and
the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the
motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed the
shit !



Moral of the story: You dont need brains to be a boss---any asshole will
do.

how long do u need this friend

1 day God asked me,4 how long do u need this friend with u?
I just cried n  dropped 1 tear into an ocean n told 'UNTIL U FIND THIS DROP''

Appreciate every little thng u have!!


In life u'll nvr knw what u have been missing until it arrives & u'll
nvr knw wht u ve got until its missing.. Appreciate every little thng
u have!!

A True Love Story

This is a true looooooovvveeee story.. Its really good... must
read..
A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell
in love with a guy who was a cleaner.


When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did
not like
it at all, and so began to protest about it.




Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their
homes for a




happy future.


The girl's father started searching for the two lovers


but could not find them.


At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back
home thru a


local newspaper. Her father said
"If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you
love,


I accept that you loved each other truly."




So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress.
He was






dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the
road to


the other side to get some drinks for his wife,
a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.


The girl was devastated and lost her senses.


It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.




The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had
died
horribly.




Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she
saw an old






lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of
the guy


from her daughter's dress as soon as possible.
But her mother ignored the dream.






The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored
it.


Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in
fear
and


told her mother about the dream.
Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains


immediately.


She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again
had the
same dream. She again washed the stains but some still
remained.




But again the next night she had the same dream and this time
the old


lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else
something


terrible would happen.


This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the


clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.


She was very tired.=










In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
someone


knocked on the door.


When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of


her dream standing at her door.
She got very scared and fainted.






The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which
shocked


the girl.
She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...






"This is Nirma Washing Powder"


"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma
Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,


Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,


sabki pasand nirama
Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma.Nirma"


10 ka 1, do pe ek free






I know how you all are feeling now...


I have been through this too.
I'm also hunting for the idiot who mailed this to me

What is Love???

Man ask to GOD- whats love?
God said- Go To the garden & get the most beautiful flower.
Man returned empty handed & told that I found the most beautiful
flower but I kept walking in hope of a better one. And then I realised
I ignored the best one. I went back but could not find it there.
GOD said- This is love. U dont value it when ù have it but repent when
ù lose it..

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR

video

WHAT DO YOU CALL A WIFE.....

what do you call a wife who is...
BEAUTIFUL

INTELLIGENT

SOFT SPOKEN

UNDERSTANDING

LOVING

CARING

NEVER JEALOUS

NEVER FIGHT

NEVER ARGUE

GREAT COOK

SIMPLE
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

A DREAM WHICH NEVER COME TRUE... :)

WHICH IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ALPHABET???

            "w"
Becox ALL WORRIES START WITH "W"

WHO?
WHY?
WHAT?
WHEN?
WHICH?
WHOM?
WHERE?
WAR?
WINE
&
FINALLY
WIFE!



.

Some one.... Is loving you

some one...

Is Loving you,

Caring for You,

Watching over You,

Protecting You,

Guess who??

COMING SOON.....




                                                       GANPATI BAPPA MORYA

One Advise for you

One Advise..........Take Care
One Request........Don't Change
One Wish............Don't Forget me
One Lie...............I hate you
One Truth...........I Miss You
One Hope...........We will Always be Good Friends

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Who should I marry??

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. Cheerfully, he asked his son who the girl was, and the young man told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son , but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please
don't tell your mother." The young man again brought three more names to his old man, but ended up more frustrated
cause the response was still the same.

So he decided to go to his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all
the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you."

His mother smiling said to him,"Aagh! Don't worry my son, you can marry
any of those girls.
You're not his son anyway, but please don't tell your father."  

THE PROBLEMS WITH "HE" AS THOUGHT BY "SHE"




If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.


If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from VILLAGE.


If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS .


If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.


If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE  u.(very true huh?)


If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u DON'T LOVE him;
If u DO!! He says u are CHEAP.


If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u DON'T, he says that u don't TRUST him.


If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.


If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.


If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.


If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAIN.


If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Jokes and Funny Sms




Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $99.
Patient: $99 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.


~~~~~~~~~

A new client meets a famous lawyer.

Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!

Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?


~~~~~~~~~

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!


~~~~~~~~~

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead
.

Quotes about Wives




Famous Quotes about Wives
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.   That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
********
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
********
The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
********
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
********
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
********
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Friendship

  • My words are few but my heart is true. Frnds i made but none as sweet as u. whn i got u, i got more than what i deserve. Thanks 4 ur frndship its very precious 

The last one was a duck..

A Man rang Labour Room of a hospital to know about pregnant wife.
In hurry, he wrongly dialed no. of cricket stadium
Man: How's it gng?
Reply: Fine, 4 r already out.
The last 1 was a duck.

Open eyes in every morning


When i open my eyes every morning
i pray to God that everyone
should have a friend like you....

Why should only i suffer!!!

when you feel lonely

When u feel lonely
and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
I'll take u to an eye specialist!

sky is high..

No matter how high the sky is,
How deep the ocean is,
How strong the wind is,
How wide the river is,
I just want to tell YOU....
They're none of YOUR BUSINESS!!

When you are alone..

Whn u r alone,
Whn u r crying,
whn u r upset,
Don't think of me!!
just call me
Bcoz incoming
is free for me... my friend

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Relationship is Like a book....

Relationship is like a book, it takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.
So write carefully and never let it burn..

Are you sure?

Girlfriend: R U sure you love me and no one else?
Boy: Dead Sure I checked the whole list thrice yesterday.

Responsible Person for the Job..

Employer: For this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: Then I am Prefect. On my last job, if anything went wrong, they said i am responsible.

Dismiss the cook..

Wife: If i dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month what will you pay me.
Husband: I won't have to pay you, You will get my entire insurance amount.

Life Sometimes

Life sometimes takes unknown turn, don't be afraid to travel it.
someday that turn will take you to untouched heights on the top of the world

Efforts May Fail

Efforts May fail, but don't fail 2 make Efforts.
Great Things will Always come Late.
But you should move with time
There is no finish line to success

when you share

When you share ur self with others, life begins to find its meaning
The time you touch the lives of others is the moment u truly start living.

Rain Drops

Rain Drops never knows where they fall, but they create a chillness on the place they fall
B a rain drop n create happiness around every one.

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